Sad Bitch Guide to the Tights-as-Pants Crisis

I've said it once, I will say it again- tights are not pants.

This abomination was once designed with the destiny to warm women's legs so they can still wear reasonably length dresses and skirts well into winter, however fate took a turn for the worst when bad dressers everywhere replaced actual pants with tights and failed to incorporate another item of clothing over top. 

 Preach

It hasn't stopped there.

Young girls and women everywhere choose to incorporate crop tops with their see-through leggings, in order to really accentuate their camel toe. And plus since tights are usually worn in winter, what better way to keep warm then to wear half a shirt. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a post against crop tops- they are a great invention but if you're not going to meet it half way and wear something either high waisted or relatively long (not tights) then you might as well slip on some thigh-high boots and call yourself a streetwalker (only wearing a quarter of the recommended amount of clothing isn't high-fashion, its just over-sized underwear).

Nothing quite like camel toe in the morning.

As for tights with rips up the sides- Just No.

 They found a way to make tights worse- R.I.P to Rips.

I have worked at a shopping center for three years, and every time I have worked for the extended trading hours on a Thursday (often called 'Late Night,' to make the fourteen-year-old's feel cool for staying out until 9pm), and out of the thousands of girls wearing these broken leggings, I have never seen someone look good in them- usually I just assume they tried to fit into Size XXS at Supre, but just called it a day when their legs didn't fit and ripped the seams.

Let me be fully honest- I think girls - all shapes, sizes and appearances- are beautiful (My sexuality has been questioned by Katy Perry a few times now). But the fact that we live in 2014 and we are still to scared to fit beyond a size 8 is absolutely ridiculous. 

Some people are naturally skinny and happen to fit size 6 and size 8. That doesn't mean that women who are size 10 and 12 aren't just as attractive, and it certainly doesn't mean women 14, 16, 18 and + aren't incredibly beautiful either. 

 There are pros and cons of every size, but not one of them is better than the rest

We all strive to fit in clothing all because the number on the tag looks more appealing- believe it or not, even a slim size 6 girl won't look good in every outfit she tries on. 

It can feel depressing when all of your friends around you are short and skinny, whilst you not only have curves, but also reach nearly six feet in height; but they way you look does not define who you are or how you should be. 

But no matter how thin you are, or thick, or tall or short- tights are never the answer. By working together we can end the tights-as-pants crisis, along with global warming.

Remember, just because it zips doesn't always mean it fits.

 

I'm just going to leave this here

Sad Bitch Guide to Photos and Shit

News photography is becoming increasingly relevant to journalism. Some may say it is because they was we consume knowledge is rapidly increasing and a picture is the key to 'the real news.'

I just say it's because people are lazy and don't want to read a couple of paragraphs.

However what makes a good photo? What are the effects of enhancing images? How can a photo change the way a story is viewed.

In the lecture we were asked to choose out of three photos that were of essentially the same situation, however one of them was newsworthy. Living and being educated in Townsville of course the activity had something to do with Jonathon Thurston (I'm surprised there isn't a subject on offer based around him- great player but overexposure is horrific). The photo was taken at his uncles funeral- and no it wasn't displayed in the obituaries, it was front page news (why?).

 

The fact that someone lurched around a graveyard for a photo of a football player crying at a funeral disturbs me more than the fact that this is considered front-page news. But this won an award (most creepy photo published) so I guess that makes the questionable movements of the photographer justified.

In order to have an effective photo it needs to be front and center, and full of emotion. There's nothing quite like stalking a grown man until he breaks down in tears (satisfying.)

However in many cases, such as television news, actual substantial photos aren't even necessary. For example when One Direction visited Australia last year the news stations saw fit to include video footage, not of the actual boy band, but instead of throngs of screaming girls for five minutes (captivating.) 

Next we enter the wonderful world of internet and magazine publishing, where you can play the game of 'which image is actually real, and which ones have been heavily edited.'

Lets look at this wonderful edit of Justin Bieber being helped out of his car by his bodyguard.

The Original

The 'more realistic but still fake' edit

This image will always be relevant. Always.

We all know just how viral the Internet can make things, primarily if it's a bad photo of someone. It's especially if it's a bad photo of a celebrity, because we really cant handle the fact that they are good looking and talented people, so therefore we must make them look ugly.

Even Queen Bey can't escape the combination of Tall Poppy Syndrome and the power of the Internet.

Don't worry Beyonce, your thighs look amazing!

When we enter the area of magazine publishing, retouching is used more than Microsoft Word. Even a Size 6 model is retouched, pinched in, prodded, illuminated, and essentially made to look nothing like themselves. The aim is to create a completely unrealistic representation of a physical appearance (nobody's skin is that clear).

Apparently cellulite isn't allowed- I don't care you're still sexy Kimmy K.

But this isn't to say photography is always fabricated and unless. Sometimes important stories require a photo that is almost iconic as the event itself, that represents the entire scene, such as the fated but iconic World Trade Center photo.

News photography is still relevant, just don't go hiding behind graveyards to get your photo (reeks of desperation).

Sad Bitch Guide to Story that is a Fairytale

I have no idea what the actual aim of this task is (I'll be 100% honest), but essentially I have to take a news story and replay it as a fairytale.

Once Upon A Time there was a young boy who was unsure how to act around other children.

He would often cry, throw tantrums and he had not learned his words yet.

His mother and father tried desperately hard to help their son, but nothing helped. The doctor diagnosed him, but little was to be done. The little boy was angry, and didn't know how to take turns.

One day his parents found a magical place called The AEIOU Foundation for Children with Autism, and enrolled their son straight away. The Foundation answered their prayers and soon their son not only stopped throwing tantrums, but also learned his words.

After a few years the little boy was then able to go to a mainstream school after completing all of his goals, and both he and his parents lived happily ever after.

(Told you I didn't really get the task, but the story is special to me as I used to work at the AEIOU Foundation and continue to work with Autistic children. AEIOU really is a fantastic place, and this 'fairytale spin, is based off an article in the Townsville Bulletin published 21/4/14.)

Happy Days

Sad Bitch Guide to the Fundamentals of Reporting and Beyond

If we're going to talk about the fundamentals of reporting, really the best way I can describe it to you is that essentially to be considered credible it has to be as boring and laid-out as possible. 

The whole point of journalism is to have an angle, but you have to find a way to push your point without the stating of opinions, emotive language, unorthodox sources or making things up (obviously this is the challenge for me). It means you have to be a bit careful/sneaky in how you push your angle or objective, but I suppose that is what ethics are for (once again maybe not for me). 

But what really are the fundamentals of journalism? In order to really understand journalism, we have to look into the role of a journalism, why they are essential to society and why despite all this, they are still a massive pain in society's nether-regions. 

Journalists are called 'knowledge workers,' which basically means journos are noisy and always trying to find a news story for their usual mediocre newspaper (my local newspaper is an example of this). However what can and can't be printed is a big part of journalism- the idea of 'on' and 'off' the record is fairly sacred and privacy of sources is highly regarded (at least it is in any B-Grade Hollywood movie). However, the platform and ways in which a journalist writes is almost as important as having genuine and reliable sources.

In print media, news stories should be clear and straightforward, with a strong lead so the audience can read the title and already know how they should feel about a story without actually reading the article (people are lazy and often avoid thinking for themselves). It is usually in this title or 'lead' where a journalist can be sneaky and put in a damning opinion without burying the hatchet in their own article.

We all thought the same thing.

Photography does come into play in stories, because nothing says important like a big colour photo that takes up half the front page.

Television often plays into these visual cues, because if you have a video or photo of something, once again it must be true (even though this was probably the most dramatic of the six versions that were taken/ filmed.)

Essentially when you are reporting you should be dealing with facts, and only the facts, because it stops you from being the victim of 'kite-flyers,'- those who like to show how  'in tune' they are to the world and purposely humiliate people and journalists over the internet to prove some point.

The Internet itself is complete game-changer, so articles are obviously designed for this different platform and often audience. Online news-stories often need visual cues- relevant or not. Essentially if Miley Cyrus has done something rebellious, photos of her at the MTV Music Awards in 2013 is totally the appropriate photo for the present story, no matter what it is.

This photo will never not be relevant. 

So at the end of this all I can say is how a story is written or how it 'leads' is not always they position a story would actually always take- lets be slightly lazier and read the first three lines or something before posting our 'informed' opinions all over the internet.

Sad Bitch Guide to Amanda Bynes' Twitter Account

I will openly admit that I actually hate Twitter.

I don't understand it at all, nor do I even desire to. For me, all it seems like is a place for people to stream their every (unfunny) thought or whinge because a celebrity doesn't tweet them back (if someone with the username supercuteexdogsaregr8 ever contacted me in anyway I would probably attempt to delete my very existence). 

But in the Twitter-sphere for me, there is only one true savior that makes everything right again. 

Amanda Bynes I am looking at you. 

Amanda Bynes is the living endorsement that social media, when used incorrectly, can actually depict you as a bipolar maniac. 

Until recently, Amanda Bynes was a child actor who had a string of mediocre-but-entertaining movies in her late teens/early twenties. She had her own Nickelodeon sketch-show 'The Amanda Show' in 1999 which ran until 2002, which launched her into stardom (still one of the greatest shows to hit our screens- Amanda Please).  Followed by a sequence of films that can best be describes as 'that one time man, that one time' type of movies, such as What a Girl Wants, She's the Man, Hairspray, Sydney White and Easy A, Bynes seemed set to have a long career as a popular and relatively normal actress.

The good days, when braids and blue eye-shadow were really trendy

However, like almost all child-stars, Bynes went round the twist.

Bynes had a small string of driving offenses over a small period of time, one for talking on the mobile phone, one for DUI and then two alleged hit-and-runs. No big deal really, who hasn't driven recklessly and endangered lives a couple of times whilst under the influence? Later Bynes was arrested in her apartment for drug possession among other crimes, and promptly threw her bong out her 36th apartment window

Despite the growing signs of needing an intervention, Bynes did the absolutely worst thing any celebrity with a downward spiral could do- she turned to social media.

Her first tweet was innocent enough- She wanted singer Drake, to 'murder' her vagina.

The Tweet that started it all

Easily not the worst thing that has ever happened on the Internet (If you need more clarification that worst things exist, YouTube Shrek is Love Shrek is Life. But I'm going to go by appropriate University protocol -and the protocol of human existence- and warn you not to watch it.)

After this Bynes started getting a bit feisty and started calling other celebrities ugly.

It didn't obviously take long for the media to catch wind of another celebrities downfall (Amanda really filled in the time where everyone was waiting for Miley Cyrus to loose the plot- stellar timing!)

Let's take a quick look at all of the celebrities Amanda Bynes thinks are Ugly

-Miley Cyrus (a god-given lie and we all know it)

-Kid Cudi

-Lance Bass

-Dr Drew

-Jason Biggs

-Keith Rivers

-Perez Hilton (okay this one I'll actually give to her)

-Ru Paul (once again, kinda on point)

-Jenny McCarthy

-Drake (she kept changing her mind on Drake's appearance. One week he's most Gorgeous man alive,the                  next, ugly.)

-Drake's Mother (not really sure how this one came about)

-Courtney Love

-Jay-Z

-Amanda Bynes' Sister (Bit Awkward)

-Amanda Bynes' Parents (Again, Awkward)

-The Cop that Arrested Her

-Matt Prokop and Sarah Hyland (she got a two-for-one deal with this Tweet)

-Zac Efron (she boarded on blasphemy here)

-Barack and Michelle Obama

-Chrissy Teigan

-Rihanna

Powerful words

All I can say is that, although she insulted the most powerful man in music (Jay-Z) at least she didn't insult the leader of the free world (his wife Beyonce- sorry Obama).

Bynes, along with calling everyone on Twitter ugly, decided to post half-naked photos on the network. Not that I'm personally against half-naked photos- I spend most of my life looking at Victoria's Secret Catalog- but Bynes, in these photos decided to don a couple of wigs that even Nikki Minaj would have called ratchet, and pierce her cheeks with what appear to be nails. 

Icon in the making

In the deep depths of my black heart I hoped Bynes was just joking, and was a photo away from throwing off her rats-nest of fake hair with her trademark goofy grin and then release another mediocre movie that will make us all laugh for five minutes.

#nofilter

Alas that Bynes is gone, and Twitter-Bynes is here to stay- at least until she's finished her intervention at rehab.

Sad Bitch Guide to Agenda Settings

Whenever we talk about the word 'agenda' it is usually related to important points to be discussed in some kind of meeting (how boring) or its the plan of someone who is probably evil. And there ladies and gentlemen is the most concise, accurate and unorthodox definition of what mass media is in our society- evil, but fundamental. A part of what makes the media so powerful is agenda settings.

Classic Puppets-on-a-string image

I'm sure you're all wondering, what is Agenda Settings and why the hell should I care?

Essentially Agenda Settings in the Media is essentially the social construction of reality, concerning four main areas: Public, Policy, Corporate and Media Agendas. It is the process of mass media presenting certain views, foregrounding issues that is in the media's interest. Fun Fact: Did you know that on any average day you are presented with at least 3000 images that help to shape your construction of reality.


Essentially what I'm trying to say is that the reason you think owning those $250 high heels that you'll only wear once is important, its probably because the media told you it is. If you think someone is evil, the media told you they are. And if you truly believe that supermodels are that skinny, its because the media made you believe they are (or you haven't heard of Photoshop yet).

The Great Kerr Photoshop Incident of 2013

Candice I love you, but either eat a steak or stop using Photoshop

A shaped reality is actually a dangerous thing, mainly because it filters the information that reaches us in order to reach a unified reaction. My personal favourite way of describing a filtered reaction is one I was taught in school.

Woman in a tight, short, red dress walking around a dark street late at night.

Jessica Rabbit has had more boyfriends than me and she's not even real.

Slut Game is strong

Of course the usual reaction would be something along the lines of 'prostitute,' or 'one-night-stand,' seeing as we are taught to believe that every girl in a tight dress after dark is probably a skank (I went to a Catholic School).

How do we know this girl didn't leave a party to get more beverage refreshing ice, or perhaps she's self-conscious and simply needed milk.

So if it is public opinion that every woman wearing a short, tight dress that shows off her sweater puppies is a raging whore, how did that opinion come to light? If every woman was labeled a slut for wearing a revealing dress, I would already be up on the crucifix with a crown of thorns around my head (I work at a Catholic School, so I'm in the Easter spirit).

It's the Season for it

Clearly it is through the messages we receive through the media that defines us as a society, but it is already common knowledge that we live in a constructed world.

I'm not going to say this is always a bad thing. This is the hot fire of truth I am about to spit at you, so prepare to get burned (lousy dramatic pun unfortunately intended, so now I'm ashamed of myself).

We could never live in a world where reality is not already constructed for us for mainly two reasons;

1) Human history is mainly a series of people fighting with each other due to different opinions. Unless you're Emperor Caligula, who decided to go to war with Poseidon and ordered his solders to throw spears at the ocean (Maybe because Poseidon didn't wave back- another awful pun) - remember this whenever you feel bad about yourself. Imagine if we lived in a world where there is no construction about how to act, feel, react, or behave. This construction shouldn't rule our lives, but god-willing at least the majority can be on the same page (Sorry if you're the minority).

The Great Emperor Caligula, who ordered the mass stabbing of the ocean.

And 2) Humans are lazy and we really don't want to think for ourselves

My Daily Motto