Tuesday 25 March 2014

Sad Bitch Guide to the Lingerie Football

I'm going to go against everything intrinsically feminist and say the controversial Legends Football League is probably one of the greatest sporting initiatives of the century.

The Legends Football League, or 'Lingerie Football' as it has been dubbed as a more obvious description, originated in the early 2000s as a pay-per-view alternative Super Bowl half-time show for horny old men. Proving quite quickly to be successful (for obvious reasons), the original 'Lingerie Bowl' soon graduated to the Lingerie Football League, and eventually dubbed the Legends Football League (the name is probably as modest as the game gets). 

The game, which follows a modified version of American Gridiron, is a  7-on-7 women tackle football league, which, as the very name suggests, is played  in lingerie. The barely-there uniform, involving various forms of suggestive 'performance apparel'- which is basically they same uniform as the underwear previously minus the extra lace- and extends to a hockey-style helmet, altered shoulder guards, knee-pads, and elbow pads. 

The garter is my personal favourite piece of 'performance apparel' 


As, with anything that depicts any human as a sexual being (ignoring the fact that even the Bible stimulates this is what we all are), the LFL was obviously met with criticism. Considered a brand of live soft-core pornography, the players are compared to objects and supposedly 'degraded', however critics seem to forget that the women who play in the LFL choose to play, well aware of what the uniform is comprised off. There is a strange feminist stigma associated with women who take part in anything that displays femininity or represents sexuality. 

More and more feminists are sucked into the fiery world of misandry (the counter theory of misogyny-  a hatred of men)


The stigma of sexuality runs deep, particularly in a world where sex sells. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with women who chose to take the majority of their clothes off and play football (and not in a totally lesbian way). There is a strength in these women who play a traditionally male game and still keep their femininity. Unfortunately in the sporting world, in order to be taken seriously as athletes, sportswomen everywhere forsake their femininity. During the 2012 Olympic Games, 800 metre Kenyan female runner Caster Semenya had her gender called into question due to her masculine appearance. To break this down, someones womanhood was questions because her body (one of a professional athlete) was considered to be too masculine, and her hair as cut short, like most other woman athletes/women over 40. To have your gender discussed in a global debate is probably not the most endearing thing in the world. It goes without saying Semenya was cleared for competition as a woman, probably due to her lack of penis.

Semenya, whose gender was called into question due to her lack of breasts and excessive facial hair when in reality it was due to a sports bra and because waxing is overrated (Women get facial hair too! Jerks.)


Considering the sporting world (a traditionally male domain) prevents women athletes from being feminine and tough, I admire the players of the LFL, who along with looking fantastic, can scare the crap out of me from how hard they can tackle. It proves that a woman can be strong and sexy without cutting all of her hair off and denying the existence of boobs. 

Sexy but in a totally intimidating way. Plus I admire anyone who can still look good after running and being tackled for 80 minutes- My power walk resembles waddling and can barely make it up a flight of stairs without going red.

The majority of the women who play with the LFL are primarily just happy to be playing football at all, let alone televised, that the majority of the players don't really care about what they are wearing. The uniforms are relatively comparable to the attire of beach volleyball players, who, once again, despite a well-informed knowledge that the uniform is compiled of approximately 6 inches of material, choose to participate anyway.

I understand many people will ask why women cannot play sport wearing actually clothing, which is perfectly legitimate. But spectator sports, such as lingerie football, are based around the principal that sex sells. I personally don't understand why the notion of a woman's sexuality is rejected and considered a social taboo. You never hear of Men's Rights group up in arms about the annual Men of League calender (the release date pretty much warrants a national holiday), so why are woman not allowed to rip their clothes off and show everyone just how sexy, scary and sporty they can be all at once. 

To the players of the LFL, I salute you. If you got it, flaunt it.

I also salute to the NRL players featured in the annual Men of League Calender. 

I'm okay with this on so many levels. John Williams marry me

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