Sad Bitch Guide to the Lingerie Football

I'm going to go against everything intrinsically feminist and say the controversial Legends Football League is probably one of the greatest sporting initiatives of the century.

The Legends Football League, or 'Lingerie Football' as it has been dubbed as a more obvious description, originated in the early 2000s as a pay-per-view alternative Super Bowl half-time show for horny old men. Proving quite quickly to be successful (for obvious reasons), the original 'Lingerie Bowl' soon graduated to the Lingerie Football League, and eventually dubbed the Legends Football League (the name is probably as modest as the game gets). 

The game, which follows a modified version of American Gridiron, is a  7-on-7 women tackle football league, which, as the very name suggests, is played  in lingerie. The barely-there uniform, involving various forms of suggestive 'performance apparel'- which is basically they same uniform as the underwear previously minus the extra lace- and extends to a hockey-style helmet, altered shoulder guards, knee-pads, and elbow pads. 

The garter is my personal favourite piece of 'performance apparel' 

As, with anything that depicts any human as a sexual being (ignoring the fact that even the Bible stimulates this is what we all are), the LFL was obviously met with criticism. Considered a brand of live soft-core pornography, the players are compared to objects and supposedly 'degraded', however critics seem to forget that the women who play in the LFL choose to play, well aware of what the uniform is comprised off. There is a strange feminist stigma associated with women who take part in anything that displays femininity or represents sexuality. 

More and more feminists are sucked into the fiery world of misandry (the counter theory of misogyny-  a hatred of men)

The stigma of sexuality runs deep, particularly in a world where sex sells. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with women who chose to take the majority of their clothes off and play football (and not in a totally lesbian way). There is a strength in these women who play a traditionally male game and still keep their femininity. Unfortunately in the sporting world, in order to be taken seriously as athletes, sportswomen everywhere forsake their femininity. During the 2012 Olympic Games, 800 metre Kenyan female runner Caster Semenya had her gender called into question due to her masculine appearance. To break this down, someones womanhood was questions because her body (one of a professional athlete) was considered to be too masculine, and her hair as cut short, like most other woman athletes/women over 40. To have your gender discussed in a global debate is probably not the most endearing thing in the world. It goes without saying Semenya was cleared for competition as a woman, probably due to her lack of penis.

Semenya, whose gender was called into question due to her lack of breasts and excessive facial hair when in reality it was due to a sports bra and because waxing is overrated (Women get facial hair too! Jerks.)

Considering the sporting world (a traditionally male domain) prevents women athletes from being feminine and tough, I admire the players of the LFL, who along with looking fantastic, can scare the crap out of me from how hard they can tackle. It proves that a woman can be strong and sexy without cutting all of her hair off and denying the existence of boobs. 

Sexy but in a totally intimidating way. Plus I admire anyone who can still look good after running and being tackled for 80 minutes- My power walk resembles waddling and can barely make it up a flight of stairs without going red.

The majority of the women who play with the LFL are primarily just happy to be playing football at all, let alone televised, that the majority of the players don't really care about what they are wearing. The uniforms are relatively comparable to the attire of beach volleyball players, who, once again, despite a well-informed knowledge that the uniform is compiled of approximately 6 inches of material, choose to participate anyway.

I understand many people will ask why women cannot play sport wearing actually clothing, which is perfectly legitimate. But spectator sports, such as lingerie football, are based around the principal that sex sells. I personally don't understand why the notion of a woman's sexuality is rejected and considered a social taboo. You never hear of Men's Rights group up in arms about the annual Men of League calender (the release date pretty much warrants a national holiday), so why are woman not allowed to rip their clothes off and show everyone just how sexy, scary and sporty they can be all at once. 

To the players of the LFL, I salute you. If you got it, flaunt it.

I also salute to the NRL players featured in the annual Men of League Calender. 

I'm okay with this on so many levels. John Williams marry me

Sad Bitch Guide to News Values

In our last lecture, along with going around the room with everyone saying something that is currently in the news (which reminds me a lot of those annoying 'get-to-know-you' games they made us play on Year 12 camp for some reason), we discussed what makes a story newsworthy? There is an obvious prominence for news stores that contain certain 'values' if you will, values that seem to draw in a larger audience and keep their attention. 

After have a look at News website NineMSN, the main story is of course of international ghost plane, missing Malaysian flight MH370. Of course in a dramatic twist the main feature of the headline, is not the finding of debris in  the Southern Indian Ocean, but instead there is a major focus on a generic text message that was allegedly sent to the families of the victims. 

On the side of the NineMSN headline is a column of other 'newsworthy' stories, such as 'Boy recites every rude word he can,' 'Mad Miley spits on fans at concert,' and 'Kim Kardashian in tears over 'fat' Vogue cover.' As interesting it is too read about Heidi Klum's tropical nipple slip, somehow I personally feel that perhaps an article on the annexing of Crimea by Russia is somewhat slightly more important.

What we all care about seeing; Kim Kardashian in a botched photo shoot, and then her crying about it

In todays world, news is released according to how well it suits Western Media. The most prominent 'newsworthy' value is of course, death and destruction; However in order for death and destruction to make the news it must in someway effect at least one person from the Western world- white-skinned preferably. Death and destruction in the Middle East with 11 Iraqi civilians killed? Hardly a story. White Australian killed in car bomb in Middle East then its basically 9/11 all over again. Death and Destruction has happened in a Western nation? Even better. 

The story we are all still hearing about two years later. Don't even get me started on Michael Jackson or Amy Winehouse. Grieving is still permit for Paul Walker however (obvious physical reasons)

The next major 'value' is of course the 'celebrity factor.' Considering we now live in a world where some people look through Johnny Dept's rubbish bin and steals Britany Spears' underwear as a full-time job, celebrity news is pretty well regarded by an audience. Dead Celebrity? You will probably hear about it for the next few years.  

An often underrated news value is uniqueness of a story. Remember last week when a surfer hit a dolphin and it was on every news channel? And did anyone see the Courier Mail's coverage of a Korean baby that at age 18 months weighs in at 30kg? 

If we are discussion the Townsville Bulletin (one of the greatest newspapers ever! Where else can you read about local outrage because there are plans to put a few walkways along the streets leading up to Castle Hill for the usual 5pm walkers) one can only assume that most news prominence will be given to local North Queensland news, Australian interest pieces and the NRL league. I'm still surprised the Townsville Bulletin hasn't found a way to feature the Cowboys or Jonathan Thurston in every single article- they're at least mentioned in 75% of news pieces but I'm sure they will find a way to bring up the Cowboys 'stolen premiership of 2013' in an article about asylum seekers before the end of the year. 

News Values is simply a supply and demand of information; the majority of the Western World would prefer to see a Celebrity with a wardrobe malfunction or hear that Nicole Kidman is pregnant for the sixth year straight than be bothered by serious international problems, such as Russia re-enacting Hitler's Nazi Germany. 

The most positive thing I can say about the media is that we, as an international community can still band together to make fun of Korean dictator and all-around jerk, Kim Jong Un. Keep up the good work Media!

A meme to end all memes

For more on Kim Jong Un, follow this website!

Sad Bitch Guide to Miley Cyrus

I'm going to come right out and say it- Miley Cyrus is probably the greatest person of the 21st Century.

I understand many people will be asking the simple and exasperated question of why? However I have to admit someone with the confidence to practically finger themselves on stage at a recorded awards ceremony has earned my admiration considering I lack the confidence to wear a bikini in my own swimming pool. 

I do admit that maybe she's taken the whole Hannah-Montana-is-just-a-television-character-and-I'm-my-own-person facade a tad too far -excited or not she probably didn't need to keep licking everything on stage (hygiene is still important)- however no one can deny that she is now her own person, and no longer a product of Disney. Lets not forget that Miley's Bangers  tour is probably one of the most anticipated shows of the year, and teenagers and young adults every where are not lining up to hear 'The Climb'.

How many people can say that their tongue is famous?

So I suppose the real question here is this- Is Miley Cyrus an example of the poetic Individual in Society or just another child star gone wrong?

Lets not forget how instructively difficult it must have been for Cyrus growing up in the spotlight- Paparazzi covered her every move, from what tights she wore under her already knee-length dresses to the well publicised 'purity-ring' her parents probably forced her to wear at age fourteen. Maintaining an image of wholeness, purity, virginity and the clothing of an eleven-year-old would be tough on any fifteen to sixteen-year-old, especially considering what most young adults want to do now a days is go out and get shitfaced with their friends whilst wearing as little clothing as possible (ahh Saturday night nostalgia). Instead putting on a bad wig and convincing little girls to be themselves would have been tough on Cyrus, when she couldn't even be herself. 

The Hannah Montana Days

We saw the cracks in her 'whole' image start to appear after a couple of Myspace photos leaked (nothing that hasn't been already uploaded by half the teenage population of the first world), whereby media scrambled to paint Cyrus as a bad role model. Lets make one thing clear- taking a selfie doesn't make you a bad role model, it makes you a regular teenager. 

Remember when everyone thought this was rebellious?

Around age fifteen Cyrus hit controversy again when she appeared in a bed sheet in Vanity Fair. Fair enough to say that the photos were slightly risqué for a fifteen-year-old, but as a thirteen to fourteen-year-old myself at the time, I personally thought Cyrus looked amazing. The photos featured in Vanity Fair were tasteful, artistic and beautiful. Forced to make an apology to her fans for something to be proud of is just another hit taken as Cyrus' attempts to simply 'be herself.'

The (apparently) controversial cover

What we now see is a modern day Cyrus- short blonde hair, very few items of clothing, a lot of lycra and sexualised-lyrics. She's compared to Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes, Britney Spears and legions of other child stars who fell to disgrace. 

But the main difference between Cyrus and her crazed counterparts is that her career is probably bigger and better than ever. What we have seen is a change in target audience. Parents who take their 8-year-olds to concerts don't seem to realise that the target audience is eighteen to mid-twenties, and are then shocked when Cyrus refers to sex, drugs and alcohol in her lyrics. Is this Cyrus being a bad role-model? Hardly- why would any reasonable parent take their eight-year-old child to a concert named Bangers. No underhandedness here, just plain stupidity on the parents part.

The Liam Hemsworth Years

I don't particularly blame Cyrus for acting out; she missed her crazy teenage years- working full time at age thirteen, dated a Jonas brother (are they even alive anymore??), got engaged as a teenager to dreamboat but total bore Liam Hemsworth, her brother is the lead singer of Metro Station (once again, alive??) and has Billy Ray Cyrus as a father- and is only acting as most regular twenty-one-year-olds do: experimenting. Whether it be with her hair, fashion or sexuality, Cyrus is basically the running the scientific party house. Not everyone is going to like Cyrus's attitude, behaviour and general lifestyle choices, but she's young, rich and famous, so I doubt she really cares about what people think of her.

The Mullet that would live on to inspire (and scare) generations

Miley's brother, Trace Cyrus (Pray for Miley)

I love you Miley Cyrus, foam-finger and all.

Iconic

Sad Bitch Guide to Convergence in the Media

Lets be brutally honest and say that it is widely known that absolutely nothing in this world is totally and completely free. We live in a world hell-bent on business, however we are all massive cheapskates and want to glide through life without dropping so much as a cent.

Humans now live in a world of entitlement; I know for a fact that I feel so entitled to having an iPhone; I’d rather put off my highly important phone bill for as long as I can, and instead choose to spend $70 on a new dress and buy a $36 lipstick (it was M.A.C so that’s relatively justified). With the rising trend of entitlement, our basic expectations also evolve.

I’ve put together what I like to call ‘Vital Basic Human Requirements: 2014 Edition,’ which essentially is comprised of the following items nations of the First World believe are essential for life, but should also be free/super-cheap.

-       IPhone/iPod/iPad and associated accessories

-       Wi-Fi / internet access

-       Make-up (This is mainly mine, partly because its so expensive all the time, plus I look like a 12-year-old boy without make-up and I spend too much time looking up photos of/comparing myself to Victoria’s Secret Angels)

-       Plane tickets (especially however I am willing to settle for any form of transport)

-       Fuel in general

-       Parking

-       University Textbooks

The Episode from The Simpsons where Chuck Garrabedian told everyone that he was wearing a dead mans suit, voyaged on a yacht that smells like cat piss and parties with transexuals. Squeeze Every Penny- the new Hallelujah

I’m almost certain having free University textbooks outweighs the need for food and water, seeing that is what is usually sacrificed at the beginning of every semester. I say water because I refuse to drink out of water taps (Gross).

Essentially we live in a time where we expect Gold for the price of Silver (I work in a jewellery store part-time- if you think that you can find a solid 9ct gold 10mm bangle for approximately $200 then get out of my store).

Now this is all good and well for consumers as different businesses battle it out to have the lowest prices (My addiction to Kmart means I can never buy something for more than $5 ever again), however this is slightly problematic for sectors such as the media. It is often said information is the most vital resource and commodity we have. Yet, like the regular cheapskates we are, we don’t want to spend $1.50 for a newspaper, and instead waste data by reading about the news online. We live in a technological world that is constantly changing, thus the ways in which we distribute information and communicate must also change. Schools no longer use blackboards and chalk (I work in a school too) and instead implement interactive smart boards. Emails are more commonly used than the post (from which we can really only expect bills and traffic infringements), text messages and instant messengers are more reliable than phone calls, and the Internet is killing not only the Radio star, but also the cinemas, bookshops, newspapers and publishers, and human socialisation.

The media is essentially a business; just on a larger scale, and they, like any other business, cannot afford to operate for free. Maybe there is a little bit of self-reflection that is required here. There is more security in information stemming from ‘Traditional media;’ there is bias in almost anything, however we can usually rely on the fact that whoever wrote the headline news is in some way an accredited and educated journalist, rather than a 13-year-old somewhere who ‘totes thinks the Malaysian (or Maeylaysean as this illiterate twit spelt it) plane is gonnnee 4eva lol’ (actual comment made on fake article- insightful). Nothing in this world is more dangerous than incorrect information communicated by an idiot with a megaphone.

Big Thumbs Up for Facebook for allowing idiots everywhere to express their uneducated and illiterate opinion (Lousy pun unfortunately intended)

Web 2.0 (the incorporation of ‘prod-users’ to contribute information i.e. social network) is an amazing technological advance, however it simply does not substitute actual journalism or proper distribution of information. So lets work together and save this scrambled mediasphere- and unitedly become slightly less massive cheapskates.

Adriana Lima- it should have been me 

Make-up should still be cheap though- we are given unrealistic expectations of beauty so help me live up to them. That and so boy scouts leaders stop mistaking me for a member of their group.

Actual Photo Representation of me without make-up

Commercial Media Vs Public Media: Why they're both pointless but we can't live without either of them

In this weeks lecture we basically discussed how evil Commercial Media is and how we should all be striving to work in Public Media, as it is designed to 'serve the Public,' which should essentially be the sole motivating ethic behind any great journalist.

 

On this note I would like to point out that no matter how 'socially responsibly' you intend to be, that does not give Public Media the right to assume that everything they write and say is in anyway useful to the community at large. As invigorating as a mono-tone voice is at 10:30 at night, ABC's radio segment on 'various types of stains and how to get rid of them,' is hardly useful to anyone unless you're a retired sixty-year-old with too much time on your hands. Not to say that everything the ABC presents is useless to everyone but those who wear adult diapers, but the high and mighty believers of Public Media (see here- Pretentious Hipster Wankers), often assume that just because something is profits based, that all social responsibility goes out the window.

 

 

The average Hipster Wanker- basically someone who can afford a $2000 Mac Laptop but chooses to dress and smell like a homeless person

 

There is no way that any one person can deem a single written or spoken article to be without bias or motivation- take this blog for example. I'm going to come right out and say it: Commercial Media is great! Whether I'm reading Cosmopolitan, listening to Hot FM or watching Masterchef judge Matt Preston's overly dramatic pause before announcing the nights dish to contestant, commercial media is the primary provider of communication, and without it would create a dangerous void in society.

 

However, for the purpose of this blog, I spent some time paying attention to what Public Media had to say this week.

-The Brisbane Roar are pursuing Italian player Francesco Totti to their team

-There were some security breaches found in Sydney Taxis

-Schapelle Corby is reported as 'unstable' and apparently people care or something

-WA is still trying to cull sharks (Fun fact: there are ten times more cases in the world of New Yorkers biting people then sharks biting people)

-The New Zealand Prime Minister is planning on visiting Australia about Kiwi's apparently being treated unfairly here (babies)

 

 

Crying behind bars because I'm a drug smuggler who got caught- A photo series by Schapelle Corby



 

So overall the intent to 'serve the Public' is barely more insightful than any reports by Commercial Media. In the case of advertisers within Commercial Media, I feel that personal responsibility by the general public is expected here. As independent adults in the 21st century, I personally feel maybe we shouldn't be inclined to read absolutely everything we believe (Another fun fact: Did you know that there is a league of nuns who monitor the internet to ensure that everything posted online is 100% true!)

 

In the media there is no escaping bias; it is very rare for someone with the power to determine what its audience will read to ever be totally impartial considering every single person has different political, religious and ethical views, and this applies to both commercial and public forums. One of  my personal favourite examples of impartialness was the Courier Mail's wonderful headline "Tony Abbott: Australia's Worst Prime Minister." Considering this article was issued the day after the election, I doubt poor old Prime Minister-Elect Tony could really have done a significant amount of damage in such a small time-frame.

 

This doesn't mean Public media is out of the woods, considering they are yet to produce a single article not dripping in negativity concerning the Liberal government. Its almost as if some of the Producers of ABC voted Labour or something?

 

Despite the many problems within the media, both structures are invaluable to our operation as a society. The loss of either Public or Commercial media would create a media blackout that we can all agree can lead to economic and emotional stress. We live in a world where communication is our strongest asset, and to not know what is going on at anytime in the world only ever causes panic. (Remember when Telstra lost all function last year and everyone thought it was the end of the world because they couldn't text or go on Facebook?)

 

Essentially in the world of media diversity, we need to accept personal responsibility and general common sense when we read or listen to any form of information. And if you think you're superior to everyone else because your life revolves around listening to the latest songs on Triple J, get over yourself, its just a bunch of drugged up weirdos who think banging saucepans together classifies as music. Admittedly there are some wonderful alternative artists, but they will never be Beyoncé and I think that is an argument all on its own.

 

Sorry Lorde, I love your music but you will never be Queen B.

(All Hail the Queen)



The Sad Bitch Field Guide to Trashy TV

For this subject we are asked to post a blog of personal interest, the sky being the limit. For the average person this is an inviting offer filled with possibility; however for someone like me, whose interests are primarily limited to bad puns and seeing how many Doritos I can fit in my mouth in one go, it’s obviously not going to be easy. Rather than centre an entire blog post on the process of asphyxiation via corn-chips, I’ve reverted to my usual night-time perusal of YouTube as a form of inspiration, which tends to lead me to the same domain- sections of trashy television shows that feature the worst kind of people: the I-live-in-the-first-world-but-still-consider-not-having-the-lastest-Iphone-as-borderline-povety kind of people.
 

Accurate photo representation of how I plan to arrive at any party

There is just something so satisfying about someone absolutely giving it to the little twit who thinks his parents are neglectful if they don’t get a Jeep for their Sweet 16^th; or the expression of surprise usually found on a girl after being told that tights are not in fact pants. Without delving into the black hole of American Reality Television (such as Keeping Up with the Kardashians, My Super Sweet 16^th and The Real Housewives of approximately seven highly embarrassed major US Cities) in this blog post I will instead introduce one of my personal favourite pieces of pop-culture trash, freshly out of the swirling cesspool that’s modern media. 

Keeping Up with the Kardashians: A Great Moment for Humanity

 

Snog Marry Avoid is a British television series centred on, not a make-over, but a make-under. Taking Britain’s trashiest girls right out of Geordie Shore and turning them into a roaring (or rather, boring) crowd of Plain Jane’s, Snog Marry Avoid has some of those jaw-dropping worthy contestants, that look like they've overdosed on glitter, foundation and hair extensions, and who presumable use a paint roller to apply their orange fake tans. All modesty is thrown out the window, with the preference of nipple tassels and strips of material in favour of a shirt. The show is dedicated to ‘natural beauty,’ although I must confess the results of the make-under are hilariously underwhelming- with the sudden switch to frumpy clothing, awful haircuts and unflattering make-up, there is little wonder the majority of the contestants have reverted to their Priscilla: Queen of the Desert ways within the week.

Bra Slings: For when you strain your breasts!

 

There are always lessons to be learnt about overdoing it, however Snog Marry Avoid and the orchestrator of the make-under ‘POD’ (Personal Overhaul Device) - a talking screen which takes pleasure in insulting the make-underees- tend to make even the viewer’s consider whether they themselves are slaves to fakery because of that one time you tried fake eyelashes and was actually pleased with the results. The results are also centred to how physically pleasing you are to the male population, who, from their appearance in the video footage, seem to need a bit of a make-over themselves, or at the least a shower and shave. 

The show often takes to the streets with an unflattering photo of the make-underee, asking the Average Joe (read here: mediocre looking male) the same question; Would you snog, marry or avoid this girl? The vast majority of the answers are 'avoid,' however we all know that in an nightclub the same men would be drooling after the same flesh-baring, orange-tinged girls, with little thought about how ruined their sheets will be the next morning. However once the accused trollops are given the wardrobe of a primary school librarian, the answers magically are all 'snog' or 'marry' (as if the producers edited it or something?).

 

From Geordie Show Inspiration ...

P.s I love you Charlotte (The one in the process of passing out)

To a Snooze-Worthy Transformation

Surprisingly, despite the contestants all being of a similar target group: early-to-mid-twenties, mediocre job, ashamed parents and enjoys clubbing and getting inebriated; the target audience is at the other end of the spectrum. The show is almost a scare tactic to frighten young girls into looking as mundane as possible, because looking average is apparently the best way to get a man. Although I love the over-the-top contestants and the underwhelming results, there really is no middle ground in this domain- you’re either a Drag Queen or Plain Jane; take your pick. I personally do have a slight obsession with make-up (can the perfect winged eyeliner ever be achieved, and what is the technique to achieve this??), and coming from someone who without makeup, looks like a twelve-year-old boy, the constant shaming of anyone who puts any effort into their appearance or shows off any skin in their attire as being dubbed 'trashy' certainly has a negative effect on the audience.

Mila Kunis: Living proof that Black Eyeliner can be done right

The moral of this blog post is that television shows such as Snog Marry Avoid shouldn't seek to scare young women into looking like their nannas, and that individuality, to a certain extent, can be a great thing. That and some people need their black eye shadow privileges taken away. Remember, there's no shame in being fake; just don't let anyone know it.