Sad Bitch Guide to The Hipster Movement

Hipsters.

We've all heard of them. Seen them. Rolled our eyes at them and hold our breath around them in fear of our hygiene. But what is a 'Hipster' and why are they taking over the world as we know it?

First, lets look at the physical appearance of the typical 'hipster'- the fashion brands of the well-off-middle-class, yet the maintenance and general grooming of a homeless person. How does the twisted oxymoron, born of the worlds dumbest statement come to be in a society where we have been taught showering is important since the age of three? 

Plaid, beards and beanies as far as the eye can see

One could say that a hipster is the revolutionary figure that deems themselves to be the poetic 'Individual in Society,' who rises against conformity to be the ever existential 'other.' A Hipster would define itself (I use the pronoun 'It' due to my theory that hipsters are not actually human beings) as being 'different' and 'unique.' However my personal summation of a hipster would be:

Hipster (n). a proud breed, the Hipster is a degenerated form of the typical 1967 American Hippy, noted for their strong stance against conformity, but still own the latest Apple iPhone model. This figure can often be seen wearing overly expensive clothes but often abstains from utilizing traditional hygiene techniques. The typical hipster can often be identified by their inability to discriminate between seasonal clothing, perplexing hatred of footwear and an obsession with looking like a member of the opposite sex. The hipster can often be found in universities, public libraries, Apple stores or anywhere with free WiFi.

Spot the difference

Essentially a Hipster is someone who believes that they are too 'individual' and everything considered to be 'mainstream' is overrated. However, in an ironic twist in events, the Hipster is no longer an individualistic movement- the notion of being an individual in society has become mainstream- thus society itself is becoming a reflection of Hipsterdom. From this the Hipster attitude extends to create the 'Alpha Hipster;' a figure who follows every 'trend' before it becomes a 'trend'- at least that is there claim. Here lies the problem: Hipsters have formed through what I call 'The Age of Narcissistic Self-Entitlement,' making it  close relation to the 'Common White Girl.' In simple terms, those born under the 'Age of Narcissistic Self-Entitlement' tend to think the solar system revolves around them (like this year when Joe Hockey introduced the 2014 Australian budget and everyone started complaining because they would stop getting free money and have to start paying $7 to see the doctors? Oh the outrage of having to actually pay for services and work for money.)

The Struggle is Real

Now this isn't a mainstream post about how everything must revolve around conformity (although I will openly admit I love mainstream- from fashion trends to music to food, I will wear, listen to, and eat whatever I like, and not based off whether or not it is trendy), because things that are alternative are just as wonderful and creative- but there is a difference between creative and fresh alternative music, fashion and food and having different views on society without being a pretentious wanker.

The 'Age of Narcissistic Self-Entitlement' needs to end, so I hereby list of my 'Alternative Guidelines.'

Acceptable

-If you drink Coffee that's fine, but no one cares about the Starbucks logo

-Instagram is a great form of social media,but hold off on posting a photo of Every. Goddamn. Meal.

-Winter wear is acceptable, but only in winter.

-A Mac Laptop is fine to own, but may God have mercy on your soul if you own a $2000 laptop but have no shoes on in public

-Owning an iPhone and Apple Products is practical, but this doesn't mean you go out and buy the iPhone 6 when you have a perfectly good iPhone 5s, and iPhone 5, and 4s and so on.

-Leggings  are not acceptable (Ever.)

-Neither are Uggs (unless you are at home and in winter)

-Nutella is delicious so this is allowed

-Raw Foods are disgusting and unnatural for human consumption

-Arctic Monkey's, Lana Del Ray, Lorde, Birdy, Ed Sheeran are perfectly acceptable alternative artists

-If a bands music sounds like saucepans being banged together, then odds are is someone just got high and started banging saucepans together

-Hygiene is important- for the sake of everyone, have a shower. And shower daily.

Lies

Never Forget.

I know some people out there will disagree with me ($10 says that person is either wearing new-but-worn-out-looking clothes or is a girl who wore bindis on her head to a music festival recently), but its my blog and I will campaign to end bad hygiene until the day I die.

Commercial Media Vs Public Media: Why they're both pointless but we can't live without either of them

In this weeks lecture we basically discussed how evil Commercial Media is and how we should all be striving to work in Public Media, as it is designed to 'serve the Public,' which should essentially be the sole motivating ethic behind any great journalist.

 

On this note I would like to point out that no matter how 'socially responsibly' you intend to be, that does not give Public Media the right to assume that everything they write and say is in anyway useful to the community at large. As invigorating as a mono-tone voice is at 10:30 at night, ABC's radio segment on 'various types of stains and how to get rid of them,' is hardly useful to anyone unless you're a retired sixty-year-old with too much time on your hands. Not to say that everything the ABC presents is useless to everyone but those who wear adult diapers, but the high and mighty believers of Public Media (see here- Pretentious Hipster Wankers), often assume that just because something is profits based, that all social responsibility goes out the window.

 

 

The average Hipster Wanker- basically someone who can afford a $2000 Mac Laptop but chooses to dress and smell like a homeless person

 

There is no way that any one person can deem a single written or spoken article to be without bias or motivation- take this blog for example. I'm going to come right out and say it: Commercial Media is great! Whether I'm reading Cosmopolitan, listening to Hot FM or watching Masterchef judge Matt Preston's overly dramatic pause before announcing the nights dish to contestant, commercial media is the primary provider of communication, and without it would create a dangerous void in society.

 

However, for the purpose of this blog, I spent some time paying attention to what Public Media had to say this week.

-The Brisbane Roar are pursuing Italian player Francesco Totti to their team

-There were some security breaches found in Sydney Taxis

-Schapelle Corby is reported as 'unstable' and apparently people care or something

-WA is still trying to cull sharks (Fun fact: there are ten times more cases in the world of New Yorkers biting people then sharks biting people)

-The New Zealand Prime Minister is planning on visiting Australia about Kiwi's apparently being treated unfairly here (babies)

 

 

Crying behind bars because I'm a drug smuggler who got caught- A photo series by Schapelle Corby



 

So overall the intent to 'serve the Public' is barely more insightful than any reports by Commercial Media. In the case of advertisers within Commercial Media, I feel that personal responsibility by the general public is expected here. As independent adults in the 21st century, I personally feel maybe we shouldn't be inclined to read absolutely everything we believe (Another fun fact: Did you know that there is a league of nuns who monitor the internet to ensure that everything posted online is 100% true!)

 

In the media there is no escaping bias; it is very rare for someone with the power to determine what its audience will read to ever be totally impartial considering every single person has different political, religious and ethical views, and this applies to both commercial and public forums. One of  my personal favourite examples of impartialness was the Courier Mail's wonderful headline "Tony Abbott: Australia's Worst Prime Minister." Considering this article was issued the day after the election, I doubt poor old Prime Minister-Elect Tony could really have done a significant amount of damage in such a small time-frame.

 

This doesn't mean Public media is out of the woods, considering they are yet to produce a single article not dripping in negativity concerning the Liberal government. Its almost as if some of the Producers of ABC voted Labour or something?

 

Despite the many problems within the media, both structures are invaluable to our operation as a society. The loss of either Public or Commercial media would create a media blackout that we can all agree can lead to economic and emotional stress. We live in a world where communication is our strongest asset, and to not know what is going on at anytime in the world only ever causes panic. (Remember when Telstra lost all function last year and everyone thought it was the end of the world because they couldn't text or go on Facebook?)

 

Essentially in the world of media diversity, we need to accept personal responsibility and general common sense when we read or listen to any form of information. And if you think you're superior to everyone else because your life revolves around listening to the latest songs on Triple J, get over yourself, its just a bunch of drugged up weirdos who think banging saucepans together classifies as music. Admittedly there are some wonderful alternative artists, but they will never be Beyoncé and I think that is an argument all on its own.

 

Sorry Lorde, I love your music but you will never be Queen B.

(All Hail the Queen)