Sad Bitch Guide to Covering War/Trauma

I was relatively excited for this week’s lecture on ‘Covering War’ (and by relatively excited I mean I was only 10 minutes late to class that morning). Strangely enough I've always found war reporting to be the major form of journalism that I am interested in (other than being a column or feature article writer where I can blast my opinions). Maybe because I watch too many action/war movies, but it’s a totally thrilling concept of being in a war torn country and documenting social upheavals, death, destruction and other psychologically damaging events (which the movies oddly never seem to touch on?).

But the main issue that comes into this is of psychological damage.

No one ever seems to touch on the effects of war, on both soldiers and the journalists/ photojournalists that experience once they come back. And not just in war, but in any traumatic event- such as natural disasters, crimes, epidemics, crashes and terrorists attacks.

So in terrific media fashion, here are the things movies, televisions shows and books have taught me about surviving any form of traumatic event

-You will most definitely survive a mass weather disaster if you are attractive, have a camera in hand or are Jake Gyllenhaal -The Day After Tomorrow

-You will find a way to get rid of that asteroid moments before it hits the Earth, even though the whole process is completely illogical and Bruce Willis can't pull off being a scientist -Armageddon

-Always ignore the trained professional who tells you that a dormant volcano directly next to your town is about to erupt- he doesn't know anything- Dante's Peak

-Aliens that managed to kill half the human race in a matter of hours haven't mastered the concept of hygiene and avoiding bacteria yet, so Tom Cruise is safe for another day -War of the Worlds

-Large cruise ships don't carry enough life boats - Titanic

-If you live in a large metropolitan city in America, good luck- every bad disaster movie ever

-We're gonna be doin` one thing and one thing only... killin' Nazis: Also Brad Pitt can pull of the Texam psycho killer character as being cool. He also looks dashing with a mustache- Inglorious Basterds

-Liam Neelson is perpetually 'The Man'- Schindler's List

-The soldiers on the opposing side are the worst shooters ever... unless it comes to shooting your best friend, then their aim is perfect- any war movie ever

-If you're a teenager and someone invades your country, you should definitely form a guerrilla group- Tomorrow When the War Began

-Run faster you Bastard- Gallipoli

-If there is a disaster or a war, and you are working with an attractive member of the opposite sex, the death and destruction will definitely force them to lower their standards to go out with you- every movie directed by someone who is haunted by their high-school rejection by the popular kid.

I definitely watch too many movies, however I'm going to assume that the media coverage of war zones is limited quite like the foregrounding in movies.

For a war zone to make the Western  Media, there are certain qualifications to achieve regarding death and destruction

Essentially the formula goes:
10,000 Muslims = 1,000 Asians = 100 non-English speaking Europeans = 50 English Speaking Westerners = 1 White American

However if a battle has the potential to spark the much-hyped World War III (what a great movie would that make!) then the story will be all over the news for about a fortnight until everyone gets board and starts reporting on the story of a man on a surfboard getting hit by a dolphin. (See North Korea, See Syria, See Russia, See majority of Africa, See the Middle East for approximately 20 years)

Essentially if you are a White American, preferably middle-to-upper-class, famous would be better, then congratulations! News of your death will reach all corners of the globe and we'll probably hear about it for the next three years. If you are non-English speaking, non-Christian background, poor with a dark-complexion- sorry better luck next time.